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diff --git a/lib/pleroma/clippy.ex b/lib/pleroma/clippy.ex
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+# Pleroma: A lightweight social networking server
+# Copyright © 2017-2019 Pleroma Authors <https://pleroma.social/>
+# SPDX-License-Identifier: AGPL-3.0-only
+
+defmodule Pleroma.Clippy do
+  @moduledoc false
+  # No software is complete until they have a Clippy implementation.
+  # A ballmer peak _may_ be required to change this module.
+
+  def tip() do
+    tips()
+    |> Enum.random()
+    |> puts()
+  end
+
+  def tips() do
+    host = Pleroma.Config.get([Pleroma.Web.Endpoint, :url, :host])
+
+    [
+      "“πλήρωμα” is “pleroma” in greek",
+      "For an extended Pleroma Clippy Experience, use the “Redmond” themes in Pleroma FE settings",
+      "Staff accounts and MRF policies of Pleroma instances are disclosed on the NodeInfo endpoints for easy transparency!\n
+- https://catgirl.science/misc/nodeinfo.lua?#{host}
+- https://fediverse.network/#{host}/federation",
+      "Pleroma can federate to the Dark Web!\n
+- Tor: https://git.pleroma.social/pleroma/pleroma/wikis/Easy%20Onion%20Federation%20(Tor)
+- i2p: https://git.pleroma.social/pleroma/pleroma/wikis/I2p%20federation",
+      "Lists of Pleroma instances are available at:\n\n- http://distsn.org/pleroma-instances.html\n- https://fediverse.network/pleroma\n- https://the-federation.info/pleroma",
+      "Pleroma uses the LitePub protocol - https://litepub.social",
+      "To receive more federated posts, subscribe to relays!\n
+- How-to: https://git.pleroma.social/pleroma/pleroma/wikis/Admin%20tasks#relay-managment
+- Relays: https://fediverse.network/activityrelay"
+    ]
+  end
+
+  @spec puts(String.t() | [[IO.ANSI.ansicode() | String.t(), ...], ...]) :: nil
+  def puts(text_or_lines) do
+    import IO.ANSI
+
+    lines =
+      if is_binary(text_or_lines) do
+        String.split(text_or_lines, ~r/\n/)
+      else
+        text_or_lines
+      end
+
+    longest_line_size =
+      lines
+      |> Enum.map(&charlist_count_text/1)
+      |> Enum.sort(&>=/2)
+      |> List.first()
+
+    pad_text = longest_line_size
+
+    pad =
+      for(_ <- 1..pad_text, do: "_")
+      |> Enum.join("")
+
+    pad_spaces =
+      for(_ <- 1..pad_text, do: " ")
+      |> Enum.join("")
+
+    spaces = "      "
+
+    pre_lines = [
+      "  /  \\#{spaces}  _#{pad}___",
+      "  |  |#{spaces} / #{pad_spaces}   \\"
+    ]
+
+    for l <- pre_lines do
+      IO.puts(l)
+    end
+
+    clippy_lines = [
+      "  #{bright()}@  @#{reset()}#{spaces} ",
+      "  || ||#{spaces}",
+      "  || ||   <--",
+      "  |\\_/|      ",
+      "  \\___/      "
+    ]
+
+    noclippy_line = "             "
+
+    env = %{
+      max_size: pad_text,
+      pad: pad,
+      pad_spaces: pad_spaces,
+      spaces: spaces,
+      pre_lines: pre_lines,
+      noclippy_line: noclippy_line
+    }
+
+    clippy_line(lines, clippy_lines, env)
+  rescue
+    e ->
+      IO.puts("(Clippy crashed, sorry: #{inspect(e)})")
+      IO.puts(text_or_lines)
+  end
+
+  defp clippy_line([line | lines], [prefix | clippy_lines], env) do
+    IO.puts([prefix <> "| ", rpad_line(line, env.max_size)])
+    clippy_line(lines, clippy_lines, env)
+  end
+
+  # more text lines but clippy's complete
+  defp clippy_line([line | lines], [], env) do
+    IO.puts([env.noclippy_line, "| ", rpad_line(line, env.max_size)])
+
+    if lines == [] do
+      IO.puts(env.noclippy_line <> "\\_#{env.pad}___/")
+    end
+
+    clippy_line(lines, [], env)
+  end
+
+  # no more text lines but clippy's not complete
+  defp clippy_line([], [clippy | clippy_lines], env) do
+    if env.pad do
+      IO.puts(clippy <> "\\_#{env.pad}___/")
+      clippy_line([], clippy_lines, %{env | pad: nil})
+    else
+      IO.puts(clippy)
+      clippy_line([], clippy_lines, env)
+    end
+  end
+
+  defp clippy_line(_, _, _) do
+  end
+
+  defp rpad_line(line, max) do
+    pad = max - (charlist_count_text(line) - 2)
+    pads = Enum.join(for(_ <- 1..pad, do: " "))
+    [IO.ANSI.format(line), pads <> " |"]
+  end
+
+  defp charlist_count_text(line) do
+    if is_list(line) do
+      text = Enum.join(Enum.filter(line, &is_binary/1))
+      String.length(text)
+    else
+      String.length(line)
+    end
+  end
+end